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anne_b
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Name: annie
Interests: journeys, paul, friendship, laughter. reconciliation&peace. vanilla mistos, saturday mornings, building things, good books, speed scrabble, sudoku, and most recently, yahtzee.
Occupation: Other
Industry: Nonprofit
Email: email me
Member Since:
9/15/2004
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| for most of my life, i have tried hard to maintain control and drive this life forward.
maybe i've talked a good game about surrender...and I have admitted just how difficult letting go really is for me. this has been a recurring theme in my life. the reality is that i have found surrender difficult because i've often just felt i could handle things - that i could do a pretty good job.
these days (and years) i feel that sense of confidence (arrogance?) dwindling. as i walk (and leap) into uncharted territory, it is clear that this life (thank God) is bigger than me. these decisions demand greater wisdom and vision than i have stored up in my head.
finally. Finally. i am seeing a glimpse of what it means to let go. to acknowledge that i might not be the best one to control this life. to acknowledge it and mean it.
freedom is found in surrender... i do believe that now (forgive my unbelief).
this means that there is no longer comfort in control.
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| Courage does not roar
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
At the end of the day saying,
“I will try again tomorrow”.
-Mary Anne Radmacher | | |
| We need silence in our lives. We even desire it. But when we enter into silence we encounter a lot of inner noises, often so disturbing that a busy and distracting life seems preferable to a time of silence. Two disturbing "noises"
present themselves quickly in our silence: the noise of lust and the noise of anger. Lust reveals our many unsatisfied needs, anger or many unresolved relationships. But lust and anger are very hard to face.
What are we to do? Jesus says, "Go and learn the meaning of the words: Mercy is what pleases me, not sacrifice" (Matthew 9:13). Sacrifice here means "offering up," "cutting out," "burning away," or "killing." We shouldn't do that with our lust and anger. It simply won't work. But we can be merciful toward our own noisy selves and turn these enemies into friends.
-Henri Nouwen
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| these are flowers that i bought my hubby when i left on a 2-week trip to asia.
i bought them so he'd have a visual reminder of me. when i got home, they were still in the vase, pretty much completely dead [as shown], but just as [and maybe more] beautiful than when i left. so i emptied the water, and keep them on the table. i think they're lovely.
i have often noticed that the seasons around me reflect what i'm feeling and experiencing - or, that my internal reality has been easily influenced by my seasonal surroundings. likely both. but, that hasn't really been my experience of late.
it's been a beautiful fall and early winter, full of colourful and then barren trees, increasingly cold weather, which leads to decreasing numbers of people milling about outside just for fun. it's the beginning of a sort of descent into winter, with short days and cold nights. that's what's around me. but within me, it feels a bit more like spring... not full of new buds and blooms, so more like late spring. more comfortable than last season [with a few less layers covering me up], full of anticipation, looking forward, outward.
maybe coincidentally [though likely not], i've been doing a sort of ongoing spring cleaning - on a few fronts. gaining courage, facing fears, exploring and taking on new things. these are good days.
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| In the process of moving into our new place - or, more accurately, in the process of moving out of our old one, i have most definitely purged more than 23 things, bringing me over the 50 mark! But in all the chaos, it didn't occur to me to document it all. Let's see how many i can list here from memory:
-a miniature grill for balconies or camping (never opened, and not permitted in our new place)
-a glass salad bowl
-a creamer and sugar set (also, just not pretty - and we have two sets already...)
-two table tops that sat unused for sometime, of no use to us. Now, one is happily being put to work in the garage of a friend, and the other has returned to its original owner (likely still in storage, though... but their storage, not ours)
-4 or 5 vases
-a large bowl and matching dessert/salad plates that have not been opened since we received them as a gift 6 years ago
-a stack of "real simple" magazines (if i already mentioned this, forgive me) - i kept the holiday planning ones, which I really like
-an old and rusted ikea deck/outdoor chair
-unused flower pots, and
-a garbage bag full of clothes (which likely holds nearly 20 items all on its own)
Reaching 50 feels a bit anti climactic - ah well. Maybe I'll have some champagne to remedy that :).
As for where all this stuff has been purged to, i've given some items to friends/family who have wanted it, but otherwise, it goes to the Sally Ann. It's convenient. But is it the best place? I think all donations get sold in the Thrift Store to raise money for their services. This is great, but not terribly direct in terms of getting things to people who need them/could use them. Does anyone out there have other ideas of good places to give? I know there are freecycle networks, etc. Any experience with those? If you know of a great place/way to give away used items, or have thoughts about this, please feel free to share.
Moving forward, I like the approach of purging one thing for every new thing you bring in, so I think I'll continue that way. And my hope is that we will find some fairly inexpensive treasures to bring into our new home to take the place of some other items that we'd love to see make their exit.
happy september, all!
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